The Physical Symptoms of Grief

Many people don’t realize the physical impact of grief on the body.  The emotions experienced are uncomfortable, yet expected.  Of course, I am going to be sad!  Yet, it is the physical symptoms of grief that can be alarming and distressing to deal with.  It can be helpful to know that these symptoms are all a normal part of the grief process.

Pain in the Chest

In my work as a grief therapist, one of the common things I have heard immediately following a death of a loved one is the feeling of pressure in the chest area or a feeling of something being stuck in the throat.  This uncomfortable sensation can be incredibly troublesome and causes significant distress.  People often refer to this as a “broken heart.” It is always recommended to consult with your physician and rule out anything more serious going on. But once a person knows that this is a physical manifestation of grief, it can take away some of the worry and concern that may be associated with it.

Overwhelming Fatigue

This is more than tired.  The physical exhaustion that comes with grief can be crushing.  After the loss of a loved one, every task from making dinner to opening the mail can feel like too much to handle. Just putting one foot in front of another and getting through the day can be all you’ve got the energy for.  Many people place unrealistic expectations on themselves.  Be easy on yourself and allow time for rest.  It’s okay to take a nap.  Your world has been turned upside down. Resist putting negative judgment on your body’s need to slow down.

Difficulty Sleeping

It doesn’t help that grief is often associated with sleep disturbances.  Night time can be especially challenging for people struggling with grief.  The quiet and still of the night can be incredibly lonely and at the same time, thought-provoking.  This is often a time when worry and rumination sets in.  All of the “what-ifs” and “should haves.” Or maybe it’s just the intensity of missing your loved one.  Some people find relief in starting a journal.  Getting all your thoughts on paper or your device can be cathartic.  Another option are the many guided sleep meditations available on YouTube.  Finding the right one with a voice that is comforting can help quiet the mind and induce sleep.

 Difficulty Concentrating and Forgetfulness

This is not the time to take on a new job or project.  Many individuals I’ve worked with have talked about the constant losing of keys and misplacing of items.  Most often reported is walking into a room and having no idea why you’re in there.  There are so many feelings and emotions to process after losing a loved one.  The brain is working overtime to keep it all together.  Allow space for this by giving yourself extra time to finish tasks. Set up apps to help remember important events and make as many lists as you need to.  Remember to have patience with yourself.

Aches and Pains

People experiencing grief often report physical pain in their body; from stomach aches and headaches to back pain and stiffness.  The combination of fatigue, lack of sleep, and stress can be too much for the body. It is important to remember to take care of yourself.  Ask for help when you need it.  Take time to schedule doctor appointments.  Get a massage.  Make self-care a priority.

What else can you do? As mentioned previously, it’s always a good idea to check in with your primary care physician. It’s also important to seek support from family and friends. Expressing your feelings and talking about your experience is a healthy way to grieve. Grief support groups can provide hope and to know you are not alone.

Finding a Therapist in Greenville, SC

Many people often wait too long before seeking counseling or therapy. Maybe you’ve tried to talk to friends and family. Or you tell yourself that you’re a self-sufficient, intelligent person and should be able to figure this out on your own. Maybe it feels too overwhelming to sift through therapist’s websites. Whatever the reason, finding the right therapist can make a significant difference when everything else you’ve tried leaves you feeling hopeless. Below are a few tips to get you started.

1. Start with Google. The more detailed you can be, the better. If you google “Therapist Greenville, SC” this is a broad search that may not provide the most relevant information. Therapists are trained to treat a variety of issues and many therapists have specializations. By googling some of the symptoms or keywords for what you are experiencing, more relevant therapists should appear. For example, “Therapy for Depression” or “Grief Counseling” (Therapy and Counseling are often used interchangeably).

2. Psychology Today is an excellent resource for finding a therapist. You can search by zip code and then filter down through the details that are of significance to you, such as, the issue you are seeking help for and types of therapy. Once you’ve made your selections, there will be a summary written by each therapist. If you connect to what they are saying, it’s worth visiting their website to learn more.

3. Get more information. Once you’ve narrowed down a list of 3-4 therapists, make use of any offers to have a free 15-minute phone consultation. This is a great time to get any questions answered and get a feel for the therapist’s personality. Ask about what they specialize in and their approach to therapy. It’s also good to think about some practical questions, such as, convenience of their location, and if they offer daytime or evening appointments. Therapists also tend to know other therapists. If someone is not the right fit for you, they may be able to point you in the right direction.

4. Ask around. Another great resource is asking friends and family if they know of someone. Many people report feeling hesitant to talk about therapy. There is no reason to suffer in silence. People come to therapy for many different reasons. When you open up to others about your experience, you may be surprised to find others feel the same.

One of the most important things to consider is making sure you feel comfortable with this person. Feeling safe and building a strong relationship with your therapist opens the door to healing and growth.

Feeling Stuck

What does feeling stuck actually mean? I hear this term commonly used by individuals describing feelings related to depression, but this sensation can be caused by a variety of issues. When I think of being stuck, I get this vision of being weighed down; unable to move forward or backward. No sense of direction and no motivation to get there. Feeling stuck can be miserable, if not, intolerable. First, let’s look at how this emotional response occurs.

Sometimes feeling stuck is caused by a decision that needs to be made, but feels too overwhelming. It’s exhausting just to think about it; for many people it’s easier to shut down.

Or maybe feeling stuck represents an actual problem that seems so massive you will never overcome it. You feel physically stuck. Pinned down by issues that feel out of your control.

For others feeling stuck involves a physical loss. Possibly a death of a loved one or a divorce has left you feeling so fearful and unsure of the future, that making decisions or moving forward in life does not feel possible.

Lastly, for some, there is a feeling of being stuck and having no idea why. For these individuals, they are often tortured by feelings of confusion and/or guilt. They may say, “I have a good job, I am in a great relationship, yet something doesn’t feel right. I should be happy and I’m not.”

So, what can you do? It is important to remember that feeling stuck can be a normal response to an overwhelming situation. Yet, that doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable. How do you begin to get some relief? Here are a few questions to get you started.

• Can you identify the problem or the stressor? Is it something within your power to change?

• What is working right now in your life? And on the flip side, what is not?

• Can you identify your strengths? And in that same manner, what are your weaknesses?

• Who do you count on for support? And again, who may be taking from you?

• When were you last feeling your best? What has changed?

One of the first steps in creating change is to gain awareness. Hopefully by thinking about some of these questions, you can look at your situation with a new perspective. Or at least get a clearer picture of what’s keeping you stuck.

If you would like to explore further, I am available for individual therapy. You can call me at 864-800-3197 for a free 15-minute phone consultation to hear more about my approach to therapy and how I can help. If I’m not the right therapist for you, I am happy to provide you with referrals or resources whenever possible.