A Simple and Effective Way to Reduce Stress and Anxiety

Are you breathing?  Such a simple concept!  Thank goodness we don’t even have to think about it.  But, really, are you remembering to breathe in a way that can decrease anxiety and take your stress from a level 10 down to a 5, or possibly even to normal.

Deep breathing is the body’s natural healing system.  This is our innate ability given to us to bring the sympathetic nervous system (charged and ready) back to parasympathetic (at ease and calm).  The goal is to live in a place where we are parasympathetic dominant.  The stressors that happen can drive us into action, taking us into sympathetic.  Which is healthy and normal!  But, we need to let our bodies know we are safe and it’s okay to relax.  The quickest, easiest, and effective way to do this is by simply deep breathing. 

The health benefits of deep breathing are numerous! 

• Better regulate your body’s reaction to stress and fatigue

• Lower your blood pressure

• Reduce depression

• Improve sleep

• Better manage chronic pain

If you want to learn more, I recommend reading this article: https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/proper-breathing-brings-better-health/

What gets in your way of remembering to breathe?  Don’t wait until you find yourself in a stressful situation.  You can start today by taking 1-2 minutes for yourself and learning to practice this daily.  This article does a great job explaining how to get started: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-reduce-stress-by-deep-breathing-2797585

This simple practice changed my life and I believe it can change yours as well.   

Feeling Numb?

The Truth about Emotional Numbness

Many clients often report feeling numb. Emotional numbness can be a symptom of several different mental health disorders including, depression, anxiety, post-traumatic stress, and depersonalization/derealization disorder.  However, this common sensation is often misunderstood and difficult to explain.  An individual may say, “I don’t know what I feel. I can’t feel anything.” 

Numbness can easily be mistaken for a lack of feelings, but in contrast, numbness often stems from an abundance of emotions.

For many people, stuffing down uncomfortable feelings becomes a way of managing day to day.  Sometimes there are too many things happening in a person’s life, and in order to cope, they may say, “I don’t have time to deal with this right now.” 

Or for others, they may think, “If I allow myself to cry or feel this, I may never come out of it.” I’ve had many people share their legitimate fears that once they allow the tears to come, they may never stop.

The tricky thing about emotions is they can only be “stuffed” for so long.  At some point, they scream out and want to be heard. This is often what brings a person to therapy.  The way an individual has been coping with challenges and difficulty is no longer working.  They may say something like, “I used to be able to deal with this, but I’m having a harder time now.”  Or, “I was able to push down feelings of sadness or anger, but now I don’t feel happiness either.”

Essentially, if we distract ourselves from experiencing sadness, then joy will also be muted.  Part of being human is living the full human experience which includes feeling sadness, fear, anger, disappointment, frustration, and vulnerability (just to name a few). 

A common phrase I hear from clients is, “I should feel excited about this, but instead I feel nothing.”  Other common descriptions of people experiencing numbness include:

·      Feeling disconnected from others

·      The inability to feel happiness

·      Feeling distracted

·      Feeling empty or alone 

Learning to identify and understand your feelings is an important part of treatment.  Working with an experienced therapist can help individuals to process emotions in a safe and supportive environment.

Another helpful thing that you can do today is use meditation to take a closer look at your internal experience. I recommend starting with this one from Mindful.org.

https://www.mindful.org/a-guided-meditation-to-label-difficult-emotions/

If you’re experiencing emotional numbness, contact me today for a free 15-minute consultation where we can discuss further and decide if therapy might help.

Finding a Grief Support Group in Greenville, SC

Grief Support Group in Greenville, SC

After a significant loss, finding the right grief support group can feel like an overwhelming task. Below I have tried to make a comprehensive list of the options in the Greenville area. An important thing to know are the specific groups that are offered based on the type of loss. 

Young Widows/Widowers:

This group is for anyone between the ages of 25-55 who has lost a spouse. The unique needs of losing a partner at this age often entails raising children, financial burdens, and in time, feelings around dating, just to name a few. https://www.carriephillips.com/support-groups-greenville

Loss of a Child: 

Compassionate Friends is a support group dedicated to helping parents who have lost a child at any age due to any reason. You can learn more about Compassionate Friends Greenville Chapter here:  https://www.compassionatefriends.org/chapter/greenville-chapter/

Suicide Loss:

The loss of a loved one due to suicide can be particularly difficult due to the traumatic nature. The stigma often associated with this type of loss can leave people feeling isolated and alone. The local chapter of Survivors of Suicide is a supportive environment and an excellent resource for anyone struggling after losing a loved one to suicide. http://www.mhagc.org/survivors-of-suicide.php

Cancer Support:

The Cancer Society of Greenville County offers a wellspring of services which include grief support groups for those who have lost a loved one, not just due to cancer. http://www.cancersocietygc.org/cancer-support

General Bereavement:

There are multiple hospices in the Upstate that offer bereavement counseling and support.  Some of them include:

Interim Healthcare: http://www.tcfofgreenvillesc.org/upcoming_events.aspx

Open Arms Hospice: http://www.openarmshospice.org/bereavement_services.php 

Hospice of the Upstate: https://hospiceoftheupstate.com/bereavement-for-community/

Many local churches offer general bereavement support groups.  The best way to get information is to visit their website or call directly. There is also a program called GriefShare offered at various churches in the area. Check the website for details. https://www.griefshare.org/

Support for Grieving Children:

Shannon’s Hope Camp: https://www.bridgessc.org/project/shannons-hope-camp/

Lastly, there are a few things to consider when seeking grief support.  First, knowing the right terms to search in google can make a difference.  The term bereavement and grief are often used interchangeably.  I facilitate a grief support group in Greenville, but there are others who may refer to it as a bereavement support group.  The focus is the same: Helping people find support who have suffered a significant loss.

The Physical Symptoms of Grief

Many people don’t realize the physical impact of grief on the body.  The emotions experienced are uncomfortable, yet expected.  Of course, I am going to be sad!  Yet, it is the physical symptoms of grief that can be alarming and distressing to deal with.  It can be helpful to know that these symptoms are all a normal part of the grief process.

Pain in the Chest

In my work as a grief therapist, one of the common things I have heard immediately following a death of a loved one is the feeling of pressure in the chest area or a feeling of something being stuck in the throat.  This uncomfortable sensation can be incredibly troublesome and causes significant distress.  People often refer to this as a “broken heart.” It is always recommended to consult with your physician and rule out anything more serious going on. But once a person knows that this is a physical manifestation of grief, it can take away some of the worry and concern that may be associated with it.

Overwhelming Fatigue

This is more than tired.  The physical exhaustion that comes with grief can be crushing.  After the loss of a loved one, every task from making dinner to opening the mail can feel like too much to handle. Just putting one foot in front of another and getting through the day can be all you’ve got the energy for.  Many people place unrealistic expectations on themselves.  Be easy on yourself and allow time for rest.  It’s okay to take a nap.  Your world has been turned upside down. Resist putting negative judgment on your body’s need to slow down.

Difficulty Sleeping

It doesn’t help that grief is often associated with sleep disturbances.  Night time can be especially challenging for people struggling with grief.  The quiet and still of the night can be incredibly lonely and at the same time, thought-provoking.  This is often a time when worry and rumination sets in.  All of the “what-ifs” and “should haves.” Or maybe it’s just the intensity of missing your loved one.  Some people find relief in starting a journal.  Getting all your thoughts on paper or your device can be cathartic.  Another option are the many guided sleep meditations available on YouTube.  Finding the right one with a voice that is comforting can help quiet the mind and induce sleep.

 Difficulty Concentrating and Forgetfulness

This is not the time to take on a new job or project.  Many individuals I’ve worked with have talked about the constant losing of keys and misplacing of items.  Most often reported is walking into a room and having no idea why you’re in there.  There are so many feelings and emotions to process after losing a loved one.  The brain is working overtime to keep it all together.  Allow space for this by giving yourself extra time to finish tasks. Set up apps to help remember important events and make as many lists as you need to.  Remember to have patience with yourself.

Aches and Pains

People experiencing grief often report physical pain in their body; from stomach aches and headaches to back pain and stiffness.  The combination of fatigue, lack of sleep, and stress can be too much for the body. It is important to remember to take care of yourself.  Ask for help when you need it.  Take time to schedule doctor appointments.  Get a massage.  Make self-care a priority.

What else can you do? As mentioned previously, it’s always a good idea to check in with your primary care physician. It’s also important to seek support from family and friends. Expressing your feelings and talking about your experience is a healthy way to grieve. Grief support groups can provide hope and to know you are not alone.

Finding a Therapist in Greenville, SC

Many people often wait too long before seeking counseling or therapy. Maybe you’ve tried to talk to friends and family. Or you tell yourself that you’re a self-sufficient, intelligent person and should be able to figure this out on your own. Maybe it feels too overwhelming to sift through therapist’s websites. Whatever the reason, finding the right therapist can make a significant difference when everything else you’ve tried leaves you feeling hopeless. Below are a few tips to get you started.

1. Start with Google. The more detailed you can be, the better. If you google “Therapist Greenville, SC” this is a broad search that may not provide the most relevant information. Therapists are trained to treat a variety of issues and many therapists have specializations. By googling some of the symptoms or keywords for what you are experiencing, more relevant therapists should appear. For example, “Therapy for Depression” or “Grief Counseling” (Therapy and Counseling are often used interchangeably).

2. Psychology Today is an excellent resource for finding a therapist. You can search by zip code and then filter down through the details that are of significance to you, such as, the issue you are seeking help for and types of therapy. Once you’ve made your selections, there will be a summary written by each therapist. If you connect to what they are saying, it’s worth visiting their website to learn more.

3. Get more information. Once you’ve narrowed down a list of 3-4 therapists, make use of any offers to have a free 15-minute phone consultation. This is a great time to get any questions answered and get a feel for the therapist’s personality. Ask about what they specialize in and their approach to therapy. It’s also good to think about some practical questions, such as, convenience of their location, and if they offer daytime or evening appointments. Therapists also tend to know other therapists. If someone is not the right fit for you, they may be able to point you in the right direction.

4. Ask around. Another great resource is asking friends and family if they know of someone. Many people report feeling hesitant to talk about therapy. There is no reason to suffer in silence. People come to therapy for many different reasons. When you open up to others about your experience, you may be surprised to find others feel the same.

One of the most important things to consider is making sure you feel comfortable with this person. Feeling safe and building a strong relationship with your therapist opens the door to healing and growth.

Feeling Stuck

What does feeling stuck actually mean? I hear this term commonly used by individuals describing feelings related to depression, but this sensation can be caused by a variety of issues. When I think of being stuck, I get this vision of being weighed down; unable to move forward or backward. No sense of direction and no motivation to get there. Feeling stuck can be miserable, if not, intolerable. First, let’s look at how this emotional response occurs.

Sometimes feeling stuck is caused by a decision that needs to be made, but feels too overwhelming. It’s exhausting just to think about it; for many people it’s easier to shut down.

Or maybe feeling stuck represents an actual problem that seems so massive you will never overcome it. You feel physically stuck. Pinned down by issues that feel out of your control.

For others feeling stuck involves a physical loss. Possibly a death of a loved one or a divorce has left you feeling so fearful and unsure of the future, that making decisions or moving forward in life does not feel possible.

Lastly, for some, there is a feeling of being stuck and having no idea why. For these individuals, they are often tortured by feelings of confusion and/or guilt. They may say, “I have a good job, I am in a great relationship, yet something doesn’t feel right. I should be happy and I’m not.”

So, what can you do? It is important to remember that feeling stuck can be a normal response to an overwhelming situation. Yet, that doesn’t make it any less uncomfortable. How do you begin to get some relief? Here are a few questions to get you started.

• Can you identify the problem or the stressor? Is it something within your power to change?

• What is working right now in your life? And on the flip side, what is not?

• Can you identify your strengths? And in that same manner, what are your weaknesses?

• Who do you count on for support? And again, who may be taking from you?

• When were you last feeling your best? What has changed?

One of the first steps in creating change is to gain awareness. Hopefully by thinking about some of these questions, you can look at your situation with a new perspective. Or at least get a clearer picture of what’s keeping you stuck.

If you would like to explore further, I am available for individual therapy. You can call me at 864-800-3197 for a free 15-minute phone consultation to hear more about my approach to therapy and how I can help. If I’m not the right therapist for you, I am happy to provide you with referrals or resources whenever possible.